life's never fair

yah...
azan sedang berkumandang
n i'm here blogging
dont bother to break my fast
who cares anyway
i am being treated
as one whi is invisible
great

certain things i'm very sure i'm confident of
if i'm right, yes i'm right
when its not my fault, its surely not mine

i certainly wouldnt want to look like an idiotic fool
being reprimanded for things i didnt do
i mean its real stupid la
let other ppl look at u being scolded at this age
for petty stuffs
u didnt do

n it sucks when some adults purposely
wanna make small things turn out to look big
who should i be saying this to
-Grow up man-
u or me??

u're certainly OVER RE-ACTING, for goodness's sake!!!
childish sia
when i'm at right,
i'm not afraid of anyone
anyone
dont care how high ur status is
say all u want
i'll stand by my ground

who needs to adapt to who??
a growing adult adapting to "primitive" adults
or vice-versa??
who's growing?
n who needs guidance?
wake up la
learn from that hideous past

hate to say this la
but u guys obviously DONT learn
so shameful to have to say this to u
its as if i'm teaching u
but what to do
some ppl just needs to be knocked out of their senses

what has happened is happening again
cos certain ppl just refuse to give in
refuse to admit defeat
refuse to understand

gaahh!....whatever la ar
just hope the younger ones dont suffer the same fate as me







i'm cold-blooded
i'm vicious
i'm rude
i'm sarcastic
sadly,
thats the way i've been brought up
so DEAl with it

n yah...
i forgot
i wanna wish my peeps a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

[1] Muhd Fahmi Hussaini who turned 16 yesterday

--forgive him for being silly.
he was only 15 then.
HAHAHAHAHA








[2] Muhd Hakim b Khairul Affandi who turned 17 yesterday too

n

[3] Siti Dian Natasha bte Azaman who is 18 today.
Happy birthday, gal!!

--Dian, all i can say now is: All the best for ur O's. Study hard ok. Push all the way. u have to.
May u succeed n pursue the diploma of ur choice. N always take care my
friend. i may not be visible but i will always stay close to one's heart =D














With love;
Nadiah

argh
*sighs*
have not been updating lately
dont ask me why
i just update today
to tell u that i've not been my true self lately bloggie..

i dont know why
i'm low spirits, thats it!
my morale has been low
my self-esteem has been lowered
n i'm no longer my hyper self

its absolutely not due to the fasting month
its something that comes to haunt me
when i dont expect something to happen
n it happened
i feel so useless of myself

i just feel so dejected
n lethargic
whats wrong with me??
i gotta do lots n lots of reflection bout whats been happening
to me, myself n things around me

i dont even have the appetite to have my meal
despite surviving on air only thru e day
n what did i have when breaking fast?
a cup of tea, date, 2 sausages, n a forkfull of bee-hoon
thats all?? yeah

lesson ended great today
had fun besides learning physics
but that fun didnt last long
that miserable feeling engulfs me again when i board e bus home

at this bleakest period of my life,
i just want to be left alone
well, not totally alone
just dont chase after me
when u see me walking ahead
thanks
other than that
i'm still harmless n u can stick ard

things are just not going the way i wanted it to be

i get sad
just feel like crying
nowadays, i realise i get hurt easily
n my eyes get wet unknowingly

i'm just so disappointed in myself!

why am i not the way i want myself to be??!!!
WHY?!!

the odds seems to be against me
i guess its God
He's testing me

aaAaarrGghh!! help...
i'm drowning in my world of problems

sch timetable sux. Singapore Idol

waaaahhh!!
its been so long since we had proper lessons
n when we got back to basics today
it was as if we were just back from a holiday
ya right, tee-hee

n guess what??
the new timetable given out early this morning sux!!
yea man, it do
each subject now runs on a two hourly basis, for crying out loud!!!
Plus, our NORMAL curriculum hours no longer end at 1330hrs but at 1700hrs
Damn! Its gonna be dreadful
Are our results that bad??

Results are not out yet
Teachers just refuse to
For whatever reason i do not know

Talking abt results
The result of our next Singapore Idol will be out soon!
So who have you votes?
Leong or Mirza??
tee-hee
my family voted for Hady
yay-ness!!
can't believe aunt voted 100 times for him!!!
gawd. whats she thinking?? haha
but nvm, she's loaded
hehe

if Johnathan wins tonight,
i know who to look for
mr shahid afham!!!
alamak u arh....
dont know how to read arh
good to know that u voted for Hady
but pissed to know that u smsed the no 1!
1 is for Johnatahn, for crying out loud!!!
eargh. n u voted 10 times for 1?
thanks, u're a great fan of Hady
hahaha =D

kk, better get back to the show.
ENERGY?? hmm...

~adios ppl~


n Happy Fasting, my fellow Muslims

why people, WHY??

this entry is specially dedicated to my beloved 4B -regardless of male or female

Kepada para sahabatku;

Guys (in general), whats happening to u ppl??
Where's the strong friend relationship i knew back then?
Where?
Have u guys gone out of ur mind?
I feel so lost n confused
Where's the real u?
Is this the real u?
Or were u really u back then?
Which one?

Why the sudden curiosity in ur buddy?
Since when did u have doubts in others?
Since when did u start labelling people?
Do u have to turn against one just because one went back on her words?
Ever thought abt
What made one do such a thing?
(One had to take drastic actions to turn out a winner)
What one had to go through?
What one felt?
How much one cried in facing those criticisms n heart piercing words?
Ever???
Ever wondered how much one suffered in silence??

i'm not speaking in favour of anybody
but please...
i'm begging u
STOP all these
its totally absurd

I'm torn between two parties

Guys, mind ur ego
Watch ur words
N look to whom u're talking to

Ladies, mind ur actions
Be wary of who is watching
Don't try to be too kind
Cos at time; It Never Pays to be Kind

To both parties;
Have some respect for one another
Bear in mind the joyuous times we had together
as ONE

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aku benar2 hampa
Tidakku sangka
Sahabat yg ku kenali selama ini
telah bertukar menjadi seorang yg berat sebelah
Angkara desas-dusus yg didengari nya

Dimana perginya erti kepercayaan pada seorang sahabat?
Ke mana pergi nya watak saling faham memahami antara sahabat?
Ke mana, wahai teman
Aku benar benar kecewa

Dulu, aku megenali dirimu sebagai seorang teman yang,
Suci -dari segi perwatakan
Tidak pernah sesekali terlintas di fikiranku bahawa
Kau seorang pendendam
Seorang yg berhati kaudu
Seorang yg berat sebelah

Akan tetapi, aku yakin
Kau tetap kau yg aku kenali sikit masa dulu
Sebagai teman, aku beri masa utk kamu semua kembali seperti dulu
Selesaiknlah maslah antara sesama sendiri
Dengan cara yg matang dan bijaksana
Akan ku sedia menanti kepulangan para sahabatku yg suci
Amin.

Everyone's true Friend;
Nadiah

thanks

Siti Nur Aini!!!!!!!
i feel like whacking u upside down sia

well, this buddy of mine invited me to her bdae bbq pit at ECP today
first time going to ECP on bus was kinda worrying
scared lost la
normally i go there either by car or taxi

met Zuiny at 12
Bing last min backed out cos her unc passed away
so ok fine, only two of us
took 966 to Parkway Parade
took abt 50 mins
then walked to ECP

Hmm, so now what??
Signboard says pit 1-17 is on de right
18-20 on de left
Hmmm......
aini said her pit was at de very last
so....we took de left cos 20's de last
walked n walked for 15 mins, tk spai2
call aini

Nad : Aini, aku da spai ni. Kau kat ne??
Aini : Aku kat carpark G ah...
Nad : Carpark G?? Aku tk nampak pon carpark...
Aini : Ada la..kat hujung2 sana
Nad: Kk...kau bilang aku pit no. kau apa??
Aini: Aaahhh...pit no. 71, area G
Nad : wtf?!! Aini!! aku baru kat pit no. 23 tau!! Kau nk aku jalan spai bila??!!
Aini: *giggles* Sorry ah Nad...aku nye hujung ah. Kau jln lagi sikit arh..
Nad : Grr...jalan?? Dah ah...c u later

Damn! why so far sia??
Of course me n Zuiny were not stupid enough to walk la
Rent a bike for 3 hrs n started cycling
that was at ard 1320
wahh! it was as if we were cycling from one end of ECP to the other end!
Zuiny was like "Bila nak sampai ni Nad???"
N i was "Lagi sikit2...lagi 40 pit..."
haha

the distance between 3 pits only was so damn far, what more 40 pits
argh
but we discovered lots of things ah
& n &....
i managed to find a place where i could learn wakeboarding!!!!!
n its fun dude!
yes arh!! finally...
its just behind the ECP Hawker Ctre
thats where i'll be after my O's
hehe

n i also discovered that Zuiny was clumsy in cycling
haha
she said its shaky la
i said where got..
she said, long time never cycle la Nad
haha
n she looks cute when she goes zig zag trying to get hold
hehe

guess how long we took to reach aini's pit??
50 solid mins arh!!
my precious butt was as hard as the stone table
n my leg was aching
she got one hell of a shouting from me n Zuiny the moment we arrived
n all that she could do was laugh n a simple "Sorry"
fine, nvm
Bdae gal nye pasal dimaafkan =D

gosh, the wind there was so damn strong that the cups n plates flew everywhere
aini had a hard time getting things done
her helpers were all down by the sea side already
i just couldnt resist the succulent marinated bbq chicken wings
n so i indulge myself in some good food n totally forgot abt Zuiny
she saw me eating n went "Nad!!! Kau tk tunggu aku??! Dahsyat..."
sorry ah babe, tee-hee

wen ting's Mom made a rabbit shaped shelly
sooOoo adorable!
too adorable that no one touched
hehe
3 diff types of noodle
plenty of tidbits

after eating, sat by the rocks n watched ppl yacht-ing
cool dude
i loove to see things move fast
its as if one is trouble-free, unstoppable
watched Nan n the others played by the shore
so good to see ppl smiling n laughing
having the time of their life with friends
i love their laughters
played "monkey" to kill time while waiting for the others
me n Zuiny were Aini's first guests,
excluding her helpers la
before me n Zuniy made our way back to return our bikes n go home,
Aini decided to open her gifts
n gosh! they were all so so so wonferful!!
especially the one given by Kartik n Azizul
those boys were so creative n sincere
they made a clear acrylic display box with an Adidas ball standing in it
cool! awesome dude...
and our dear Aini was of course overjoyed
me, Bing n Zuiny gave her an OP bag file
Nan gave her a Pooh bear
n the list goes on..

Decided to make a move at 1600
just when we hopped on our bikes n ready to say goodbye,
Tasha n gang called her asking her where in the world she is
they claim to have been walking for 20 mins but still have yet to set sight on us
asked where their location were n they said they were at the wakeboarding area
me n Zuiny had a great laugh
i said "Aini, tell them to walk miles n miles further down."
LoLx...thats like damn far man.
Going by bike from that area, it will take approx 30 mins...
but by walking??? Hmm...
perhaps an hour?? haha
didnt wait for them cos we gotta return our bikes
so we just rode off asked aini to send our regards
wasted la cos they brought sandwiches n satay..
yum yum..

thenwhen want to retuen our bikes, the pak cik ask for receipt

Pak Cik: Receipt dier??
Me : Huh? what? what receipt??
Pak Cik: Receipt basikal. ayooo...hilang ehk??
Me: Zuin, aku ada ambil ke??
Zuin: Ada la Nad...kau masukkn dlm plastic bag tadi
Me n PakCik: Plastic bag da buang?
Me: Alamak.....mcm mana ni?
Pak Cik: Ha mcm gini tkle dpt buspass awak balik tau *grins*

Damn him. Trying to scare us
Lucky me he trusted us enough to just return our bus passes
that really freaked me out sia
cycle so long, skali must make U turn arh...
aiyoh, Nadiah so careless

n so we walked pur wobbly leg homes
tired n worn out
from both the fun n frustration
thanks Aini
for making ur bbq pit a memorable one tee-hee

n once again;
HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY AINI!!!!!!

a break alas

finally.
prelims finally over
a 2 dreadful week
should say 3 la cos i spent the Sept hols studying studying n more studying
no form of entertainment
all that was on my mind was books, notes, books, notes n more of books n notes
haha

can only breath an air of relief for a while
A WHILE
thats cos the most crucial part of sitting for an exam is...
having to face with the results
what sort of 'results'?
well, only God knows
LOLx...

actually, i dont feel the excitement upon the completion of my prelims
i still have that "its exam period" kinda mindset in me
the studiuos blood, n i mean real studious,is still gushing in me
no doubt its almost 10 hrs since i last sat for my last paper
i still feel there's a paper tmr
lol

alright, enough of those
whats there on the 1st day of sch??
Hmm...
O yah!
i owe teachers lots of things
owe Cg his karangans
i keep on forgetting
then.....errr
yah, Mr Alex
his sample folio i borrowed
must return
then....................... yikes!
Mr Sani is expecting an ans
what now?
well, its still a NO-NO for me
too bad ah
not interested liao
4 years of NPCC has done me enough!
i have yet to qn the purpose of having a CI..
i mean, is the CI some kind of representative of the unit in national activities
or....what??
if a CI is there to make sure training goes on, i can also do it w/o becoming a CI
i mean, i just come down n help out la
just like what SI Mohd Nor n SSGT Jieh Hong is doing
no need CI
wakakakaka

i think its really time for my unit to wake up
someone has to screw them up
get some hell out of them
have some real hardcore training
the best is to have a CI NOT from WDL
a kid from another school
that will give a diff touch
total new
thas what i wanna see
a change

the fact that a CI is an ex-WDLer, it allows cadets to be comfortable with em'
i mean, its a "u-know-me-n-i-know-u-so-we're-kind-of-friends-n-shouldn't-be-treated-coldly" kind of thing
so they cadets tend to take advantage of that fact
n thats the root of evil in having a productive n quality NPCC Unit

so sorry la
i know i'm cruel, vicious, cold-blooded n evil
but i'm doing the unit a very favourable favour
HAHAHAHAHAHA
up to y'all
all de best
may u prosper as always
wakakaka

nice phy n chem P2

o well,
lately, i've been "reunited" with quite a no. of my ex-pri schmates
sakinah, khairunnisa, addinu, joe
all thru the internet
be it MSN or friendster

thank god they still recognise me
but sadly, i don't recall certain facts abt em
haha
n they were like "Nad, where's ur tademark?" "U still have that......look in u"
n i will be like "Hmm...am i that famous?"
lol...haha

fasting is just this weekend
time flies by damn fast
so fast that we want to hold back time
cos the faster the day goes by,
the sooner our joyous days in WDL comes to an end
n none of us wants that

i, personally, am NOT willing to let go of the times i had in WDL
NOT willing to let go of my dearest friends
NOT willing to let go of my wonderful teachers

haiiz...
only time will tell

ok. internet connection on my side has been real god damn slow. dont know why.
thats why i didnt blog over the weekend.
who so patient wanna wait with all the stupid pop-ups?

ok first of all, i got to sort out an issue thats been on my mind for these 4 days...
how? how? how? how? how? how?
yes or no?
want to join or not?
should i go for it or should i not?
theres so many questions with a 50-50 ans to it
it sucks man to b in this state

i even went to an extent of drawing out a table n jotting down
"Reasons why i should join the 71st batch of Cadet Inspectors n Reasons why i should not join"
sounds ridiculous but...yah, thats what i did
n its worst when u have it all balanced
argh!

after much in depth thoughts n consideration, i decided NOT to
now,that was my stand on Sat n it lasted for 2 and a half days??
after my paper at 0930 today i was so unlucky to bump into mr sani during his PE lesson at e carpark
he actually talked to huda during morn ay already but i wasnt there
n so he asked me why n i said i'm not willing to
partly bcos of e duration of e course
n he's surely disappointed ah
can see
he was really really hoping that one of us would kindly or willingly take up the challenge
but sadly, no one did
not even the chairperson, Huda
nor the vice-chairperson, Razali

the way he put it seems like in desperate need of a CI
he was like "please ah, please ah...give it a good thought. go back n talk to ur parents...if not next year how?"
n i was like "haiz..."

so here i am again
left hanging in mid air
just kill me, pls
why did such a girl by the name of Nadiah ever existed in WDL?
everybody seems to b asking her to take charge!
argh, enough la
lets just put it aside n concentrate on exams
so mr sani got to be patient for my decision ah

blab more later ah
gtg
bye




~kiss me when i cry, bless me when i die~

ahhhh.....finally a week is over. a hectic week it has been. exams exams n more exams. it was fun though going thru the emotional ride. suspense, nervous etc.
so here's this week's re-cap:

Mon,11.09
- english paper 1
- wonder how will the marker re-act upon reading my essay? hmm...cos i actually poked fun at Taufik Batisah. yikes! haha
- how in the world is a proposal written?? i seriously do not know...is it the same as a letter of recommendation? hmm...i dont recall my EL teacher teaching how to write a proposal letter. O well, like she once said when we were doing our test, she didnt want to c us wasting our time figuring out the letter format. Dont know just dont know lah. what is imporant is the tone of the letter n the way u write. thats all. so i blabbed n blabbed. *hopefully its right*
- shock to receive a msg from diq thru dian. he said there's a DnT class that afternoon. we were like: "Halooo...its the exam period n he still wanna have afternoon class? biar btol?!". refusing to belive diq, i personally called the man himself n true enough there was a class. he wanted us to make the necessary changes to our folio since he has marked it. thank god i passed! did some last touch up on my artefact n wallah, its all done!

Tue,12.09
-EL P2
- shocked yani didnt turn up. sick. love sick i guess cos she told wawa she quarrelled with her bf. but yani, surely not to an extent whereby u forsake ur exams right? haiish..
- compre quite straight forward though. but summary? hmm...i seem to fall short of the no. of words. i have the points but somehow, somewhere, something was missing.
- went to cwp with ct n fana to bind my gen phy notes. then went to popular to get some stationeries. then came the biggest shock of my life. i really felt like killing myself
CT: Nad,esok nk kene pkai long ruler tak utk paper 1?
Me: (Confidently says) Esokkn SS paper jek. Buat apa nk long ruler?
CT: Huh??? Mana ada Nad?! Esok lepas SS ada e-maths paper 1!!
Me: (Stares at CT n looked at Fana for confirmation) Serious??!! Kau biar btol?!
CT n Fana: A AH Nad!!
Me:Astghfirullahaladzim!....setahu aku SS jek! Aaaarrgghh!!!
CT n Fana: *shakes head*

i swear i only saw the SS paper only on wed. i didnt look further down to make sure there was something else. went home to check if i got the wrong time table. n true enough there was an e-maths ppr1! i panicked n worked on maths right away. lucky i prepared myself during hols. went thru a lil bit of maths to get the engine ready.later at night, i studied SS

Wed,13.09
- Dian didnt turn up. really really sick. she has beeen sick since sch term started. gave mr sani the pix he requested. mati2 nk bayar balik. org da kata tak payah tu dah la...
- SS paper was freaking annoying. i concentrated more on health-expecting it to come out for SEQ but it came out for SBQ!! eeargh. what r these teachers trying to do?test us? or kill us? give guidelines for us to study but exam was totally diff. plus, the time is pathetically too short!
- i dare say the e-maths ppr 1 was easy. yah easy. i really really really do hope that i score in it cos i think i'm gonna get slaughtered for paper 2.

Thurs,14.09
- WE really gambled our way thru Hist. everbody studied diff topics. Diff ppl believed diff topics would come out. n sure enough, all of us were dead. none of the topics we studied came out for SEQ. even if it did, the topic was one which we scan thru only. arrgghh!! comb humans is so idiotic!! the topics r so unpreictable. it really doesnt make sense for us to be sitting for comb humas paper. it requires us to memorise like the WHOLE bk. totally impossible! kiss my humans gdbye arh..

Fri,15.09
- i was freakin' afraid of the maths paper 2. somehow, since pri sch, this pathetic small brain of mine just couldnt except maths. i dont know why. a confidence issue? or am i just plain stupid? n i tell u, i'm so really gonna fail my paper 2. f*#k la! why seh i cant do maths! argh!
- niwaes, early in the morning assembly, cg called me out. thought what sey...he want all mine, dian's n sobri's essays that we've written for the first 6 mths. want to make it as a sample for next year students.
*bangga ah tu...hehe* mesti ah, karya aku. lolx..
- then came mr sani. alamak, he really put me in a dilemma ah. up till now, i dont really know my stand in the matter. NPCC HQ has called for the 71st Batch of Cadet Inspectors. how? should i go or not? dulu beriya2 sangat nak. tapi bila tiba masa sekarang, keberatan pulak. keberatan sebab bila fikir2 balik, mcm tk worth it ah. becoming a CI n serving back the unit is a form of voluntary service- i dont get paid. but i have to go thru a serious of courses n camps. that is from 8Dec-26Dec 06. why torture myself go for hardcore camp-in-training when i willingly wanto be a CI n serve the unit back??why trouble myself? its not as if i get paid. i'm not being money-minded here but its all not...................just not right u see.
on the other hand, i would really really love to serve back the unit. it was so so so fun being a cadet. the trips, the occasional fun time we had mingling around. the rare chance to handle n use arms. once in a lifetime experience being commander. there's so much things i've achieved in NPCC. i'm so grateful. no words can describe my feelings. i still wanna have fun in NP. my heart n soul is there. but its just that i cant bring myself to go thru the camps n future meetings. can i just come back n help the unit w/o becoming a CI but yet be recognised as one??? pleeeeeeaasseee.....*sobsob*




i really am lost n confused. should i give this up?

NO!!!

eargh man!
dammit
this year's hari raya gonna be as pathetic as can be

camera's down
car's gone
outings burnt

yeah, thats my 2006 hari raya
what to do...
haiixx

argh
my Nikon Coolpix 4300 is spoilt
whatever happened to it, i seriously do not know
suddenly the screen went blank n
oomph!
the pictures are all gone
damn!
well, its 3 gd years spent

n before the COE price of the nissan sunny drops by the time it reaches its 5 years,
it better be sold off now

this year raya
1 day holiday n its back to sch the next day
just sad for myself
BUT sacrifices gotta be made

haiishh...
now must chip in 100 bucks to buy a new cam
have yet to decide on the model
i want the SLR
but sis just refuses to have that
she wants the slim2 one

whats worst, mom wont allow anyone to bring it to sch
i was like "haloo...i chip in 100 bucks n i dont get a share of it??"
dad is like totally heck care abt it
he's not chipping in a single cent
well he favored that cam a lot n someone spoil it
or perhaps, its just time for it to go
*sobsob*





I LOVE PHOTOGRAPHY!!!!!

yeah, finally got a skin
ok lar
simple but i like the round2 thingy by the sides...
hehe

so yah
as i had earlier on predicted
Paul's out
so sad
*sob sob*
its not as if i'm such a big fan of his
but his departure was just so sad
lol *what am i saying????*
Gurmit was like holding back his tears n looking down
Hady cried
without Paul, its no fun anymore

n to trust my lil sis so much that she wept uncontrollably
i was like "what the hell?"
thats kinda too much though
small kids shouldnt really get engaged in these kinda stuffs

n yah
its like the previous Idol
2 guys n 1 girl
again its
1 malay guy
1 chinese guy
n a chinese lady
what a coincidence perhaps??

gonna vote for Hady
vote vote vote
yeah
Hady Mirza is the next Singapore Idol
wohoo!!!...

its really eating in me
i'm so sick n tired of it
sick n tired of life!
i've been pushed ard
by the big ones
n the small ones too

m i being too nice?
n obliging?
i dont know!
i dont seem to get my share
my share of un
n justice
i give in too much?

everyone has had their part of life as teenager
they had their partner
they had their outings n fun
whereas me?
i'm cooped up with all the responsibilties i had!
too busy to even set aside time for myself!
argh

pathetic pathetic pathetic
thats all i can say
nothing can be done now
i cant possibly folly ard NOW

nvm lah...
i just hope that something happens
something good something nice
something that will change my perception

i really do